I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
