Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
