I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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