i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
