Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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