wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
