maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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