I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize