Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
