dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
