I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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