Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
