Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
