i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
