My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're like the curious george of whores
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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