its not stalking. its research.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
