when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
