i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
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"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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