last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
