Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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