Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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