the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
