never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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