Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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