If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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