...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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