either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
id be glad to
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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