hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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