I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
