I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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