I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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