I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
