Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
