Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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