she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
