I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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