i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
