i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
