mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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