Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
