you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
