im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
