So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
