Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
