we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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