It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
