I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
