My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
