i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
