i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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