I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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