you had me at cake vodka
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
