Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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