Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
