i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
