Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
