Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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