I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
