Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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