you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
