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Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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