I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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